There have been a number of accusations by JDG aimed at moderators on se23.life in this thread, and in particular in terms of communication with Nicola. I feel it’s unfair that my fellow moderators continue to face these so I wanted to be open that JDG is referring to me as the moderator who messaged Nicola. I’ve decided to respond below. This is done so in a personal capacity and not as a moderator.
Chris and Nicola have been ‘not the best of friends’ for quite a while. Earlier this year, and further to some online discussions, I contacted Nicola via facebook as follows (the Friday refers to a meet-up of newbies to the area organised via the forum, which some mods would attend):
18 FEB 2019, 21:06
I'm a moderator on SE23.life and I thought I'd email you as I understand you wanted to speak to moderators on Friday.
I was not originally going on Friday, but my wife's plans have fallen through so I can now make it. I wondered if you wanted to arrange to meet up with me (I'm a nice person honestly!) and with Chris on Friday, or alternatively if you wanted to meet separately on Friday or on Wednesday evening as I am free then also.
I know you do a lot of great community work, I believe se23.life, se23 mums, forest hill society and others combined would all be much more powerful if everyone was working together, and certainly not against each other.
I'd be happy to work as a permanent intermediary or point of contact if you felt there was an issue with se23life etc.
At the end of the day I'm a simple person wanting a simple life, and I believe everyone's energies would be best directed pushing for positive changes.
I'd really like to meet up to see if you think we can get to that point (and how) - let me know if you'd like to. I realise we've never met so if you wanted to bring someone else of course that would be no problem.
If you wanted to view my posts generally I am on se23mums (I think we've actually interacted on there before re sefldefence) and my name on se23life is OAKR.
I mean this message with the best intentions and I hope you see if that way.
Nicola replied 2 days later and agreed to speak and asked to do it over email, so I then sent the following:
20 FEB 2019, 17:23
Hi Nicola - sure that would be fine though I do think meeting in person is helpful so if you are coming Friday please come and say hello, and if not I will be happy to meet up another time.
Anyway an for the sake of transparency I have mentioned to Chris and the other moderators that I was going to contact you and have said you have responded. I've spoken to Chris and ask that he not engage directly with you, or mention you in any tweets or other social media etc , which he has agreed to. I'd like to ask you to do the same please whilst we try to resolve the issues between you and see how we move things forwards to stop this. Are you ok to agree to that also?
My email is email@example.com.
I will also ask both of you not to use me as a pawn in any disputes that neither of you will use correspondence between me and either of you on social media or otherwise to further engage negatively.
I will clearly speak to Chris about what you write to me about and to you about what Chris writes, however I won't share screenshots of that correspondence or forward otherwise to you or Chris (or other parties ) - unless you agree.
I hope that makes sense.
If you send me and email and I don't reply pop me a message on here and I'll double check my inbox.
The above are the entire messages, I’ve not deleted anything (other than of course Nicola’s response between them). I have agreed as above that I won’t publish anything she sent to me, and I will continue to respect that, though it appears from JDG’s comments some of my communications may now be in wider circulation (I've not seen this directly myself).
So this is how Nicola got my real name, email address etc. Let me be clear - there was nothing in this for me - literally nothing. Nicola didn’t post on SE23.life, my life would have been easier staying out of it. I just wanted to try and help improve the situation for all parties, nothing more, nothing less.
We spoke on and off for quite a while but never got to meet in person. On the 13th March of this year, I informed all parties I would cease any mediation for reasons I’ll keep to myself so as not to inflame anything further. Though I had my own views, at no time did I blame anyone directly for this.
That was my last correspondence until this week (with the exception of one facebook post where Nicola asked for a recommendation, and I provided one - perhaps May or June), events as follows:
1. I commented on a thread now hidden on se23.life
2. Receive email from Nicola given her version of events, and questioning an online account
3. I respond to Nicola (pre announcement of ‘ownership’ of said online account) giving my views on the communication sent - this is the email I believe JDG refers to
4. I resign from mod team
5. Chris confirms ownership of said account
6. I decide to rejoin the mod team for a short period to assist through a difficult time.
I want to be clear that I believe I am the only moderator of late to communicate with Nicola. In all my dealings with anyone across the forums and especially with Nicola and Chris, I have always tried my best to de-escalate issues. I personally prefer to do that behind closed doors as a general rule. I gave my views directly to all parties on the latest incident.
JDG you have my permission to paste a copy of the email you are referring to with the date stamp please, and the email from me in full, so everyone can see what I wrote. Clearly you do so at your own risk, but you have my permission to put it here. As yet I’ve not forwarded this to anyone, but from your previous post it appears it’s already in circulation. Please remove both mine and Nicola’s names and email addresses for the message headers when you do post it. People may, or may agree with the content of my email, but I believe it’s clear it’s not done with malice in mind - I will grant you it’s direct though, and that the email was sent pre any further revelations.
Everything I tried in the early part of the year was geared and trying to avoid what happened earlier in the week. Clearly I failed in that and that is something I regret.
There is a lot of implied criticism of the moderators in this thread. Rachael earlier asks “what the moderators can achieve that I couldn’t”. Well they have agreed with Chris a hugely significant change, which was also suggested on this thread. That is that Chris runs the tech \ admin’ side of the forum, but excludes himself from the moderation team. This is done, Chris is no longer on the moderation team distribution list for messages sent to that list. This now appears to be brushed to the side as if it’s nothing.
I will soon leave the moderator team, and will say I have never seen anything that would lead me to question the integrity of any of the existing moderation team. Once I leave, I will continue to use the site in full confidence that the site will be in good hands with them at the helm. I hope others will as well.
Have good afternoons.